The Heart of the Unseen

Yesterday, someone connected to us died.
Alone.
In his car.
In a park.
Surrounded by joyful play. Exuberant runners. And the fullness of God’s playground.
He died. Alone.
Oblivious to the joy outside his window.
Untouched by the souls of men
Invisible to the sight of joy
He died.
But what if?
Death preceded him
The death of hope
The death of joy
The death of peace
preceded the death of his body
That maybe he had abandoned life before it abandoned him
Sub zero despair.
I’ve been there.
The place where the irrational eclipses the rational
Where loss overshadows gain
When emptiness consumes a full tank.
Hidden from the purview of men
Insulated from the grasp of concern
Consider.
A soul is groaning
Right before your eyes
Hello?
Is it me you’re looking for?
Absence of response
We walk away
Saying…he didn’t tell me
But he did
With the emptiness of his eyes
With the frailty of his voice
With the flush of his face
He said everything
By saying nothing at all
Slow down and see me
Sit down and hug me
Hang up and tell me
I am not alone
And connected
A heart may be filled
A soul may be touched
And life may be restored
Alone. He died.
But death may have preceded him.

The Wave

Accepting the reality of “what is” is often one of the hardest things we as Christians are asked to do…
The disappointment of a change never coming, can be a knee-breaking experience from which a recovery feels beyond reproach…
Accepting the person that was chosen to love and protect you can change, but probably won’t…
Accepting a “bad” doctor’s report can change, but probably won’t…
This reluctant acceptance can circumcise the heart in a way that approaches a dimension of hurt that feels almost unrecoverable.
So what do you do when you’ve invested all your heart and soul in a situation that could change, but probably won’t?
First….
You cry…
In fact…you cry a lot…
pexels-photo-405131.jpegYou open the floodgates of your soul and allow the depths of your pain to overtake you like the waves of the ocean…
And you fall…
And you’re reminded…
Just how vulnerable you are…
That no matter how deluded we are…
we are yet often one wave away from a complete smack down..
And it hurts…
and that hurt unsettles all the sand of insecurity and hurt on which you stood…
And then…
you wipe the smack of the wave that submerged you from your face…
And you keep blinking until the burn from the salt-soaked surf releases it grip.
You test your footing. ..
And tell yourself. ..
I’m ok…
I survived…
I may be knocked down, but I’m ok. ..
And you remind yourself a little saltwater never killed nobody…
And the next time…
You decide…
This time…
I’m just gonna channel my inner surfer girl and ride the heck out of that wave…
And not fight it…
And know…
like the last wave…
I’m gonna be…ok.
And you pray…
Oh Lord…
this smackdown hurts…
In fact, it stings…
but I ask You to remind me oh Lord,
this is not my first wave, and it likely won’t be my last.
Remind me of the waves of my childhood. The ones that knocked me down, and at times overtook me…
but never unsettled my resolve to get up…and ride on…
May I take this knocked down time to: “feed on Your faithfulness,” and sip on “Your lovingkindness before my eyes,”
so that I can ride this wave right past the eyes of my horizon…
into Your loving arms…
yet again.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.
“Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.”
Psalms 37:3 NKJV
“For Your lovingkindness is before my eyes, And I have walked in Your truth.”
Psalms 26:3 NKJV